Directed Freewrite

The other day my boyfriend Dylan and I decided to go for a long bike ride. The seemingly scorching Arizona heat had disappeared overnight and a little bit of exercise as well as time out of the house was all the motivation we needed to go. He has been riding a bike for most of his life and it is also his main form of transportation around town, while I on the other hand have not ridden a bike since elementary school. For my last birthday my parents bought me a beautiful, bright yellow beach cruiser complete with matching wire basket. I truly loved the gift but was uncertain about my ability to properly use it as much as I should. Dylan assured me we would have a great time and I would catch on quickly. Like the old saying, “It’s like riding a bike” you never really forget how to do it. In this case, that saying was wrong.

We started out around the neighborhood with wide sidewalks and slow traffic streets, and then gradually moved up to the canal and my now least favorite place to ride: Old Town Scottsdale. We stopped every once and awhile to pop into a French cooking shop or a small pizzeria for dinner which seemed like the perfect activities to include along our ride. It soon turned dark and we realized we had wandered farther into the maze of small streets and sharp turns than we wanted to. I soon became frustrated and anxious when I discovered how difficult it was to maneuver these tiny turns especially in the dark. While Dylan easily glided through the town, I wobbled and constantly needed to use my feet for guidance on the ground. I kept trying to tell him I could not go so fast or through such small spaces as easily as he could, but he did not really seem to understand my struggle. It started out as a fun, innocent adventure soon turned into a terrible nightmare.

Dylan was constantly cutting across streets as the light turned yellow making it impossible for me, at my current bike-riding skill level, to keep up. I voiced over and over how I could not keep up at his pace or steer what I now call my “big yellow boat” down such difficult paths. He told me he thought I was right behind him or able to move where he was leading us, but I felt like he just did not get it. After I got left behind again and wiggled down yet another staggered pathway, I lost it. I began to cry in the middle of the park while my boyfriend stared at me in horror. I told him that he never listens to me, while he claimed he was only trying to help. We went back and forth accusing one another of either listening issues on my side, and the fact that I needed to relax on his. In reality we were simply misreading each other’s intentions. If I had read this particular article before we had gone for our ride, perhaps I would have realized that he was not trying to make my life more difficult, but rather was trying to help me. While I do not believe our communication in general is lacking, this article helped me discover that he and I have different ways of showing that we understand or that we really are listening. Next time we are in a similar situation, I will be sure to try to look at it from his point of view and believe him when he tells me he is listening. The article seemed to really promote understanding as well as compromise from both sides of a conflict within a relationship which is something every couple or even friends go through in order to make their relationship work. Hopefully in the future I will remember this article before I begin to cry in the middle of the park on a never-ending bike ride.

Tannen, Deborah. Communications- He Said/ She Said. You Just Don't Understand.