Week 12 Blog Reviews

Lauren: I really liked your first post “Two sides of the spectrum.” I thought you gave really great support for both sides of the issue and then stated how you felt about the topic. You also made great use of the text book and the particular people within it to make your piece stand out. I wish you would have left your personal thoughts out of the introduction though. If you restructure it so that it is all about the rules but not necessarily relating to your personal experiences I think it would make the start of the essay so much stronger and more professional. Other than that I saw only a few grammatical errors, but it was nothing a little more proofreading would not fix. Great job on this post, it has a great deal of potential to make an outstanding complete research essay! =)

Your second post was also very well written. I had a hard time really getting into that particular topic myself, but your essay really broke down the history of finance well. The facts and ideas used from the text only solidified your argument and overall it was nicely done. Great job this week!

Jess: I really liked the title from your first post, “Two Views, One Country.” This immediately sparked my interest and made me curios about the information you were about to present. You really did this post from your heart I believe. You included facts from other classes and discussed how maybe you cannot trust the government with everything. You really found the balance between having government and living without them although you seemed to tip more towards the less government, more privacy, less power for them side. I thought you did a really nice job!

Your second post was also very well done. I really liked how you eased the audience into the topic instead of jumping directly into the history and current information on finance. This essay grabbed my interest on the subject and then gradually led me to what your actual goal of the article review was. I really think that was a great way to go. It made a topic I struggled with seem more approachable and understandable. Great Job! =)

Deirdre: I thought your first post regarding governmental control was a good read. You were very concise in your writing and made direct arguments for both sides. I thought the piece was a little bit too short for me, just because it lacked a little bit more depth on each topic but you did make a strong case. I would also give more background on an opinion before placing it in your work (i.e. Sameer). Others might not know who this individual is or why his opinion matters.

Your second post was also very concise. You did a great job introducing and explaining the opinions and facts you used from the text this time around though. The history and explanation of finances development was also a really great addition to the piece. You did not really mention the current financial state or how the subject has progressed in the last century though which would have really made a positive impact on your overall essay. Great job this week! =)